DR.
STRANGELOVE
Doubtless, many of
you have heard the story of the country doctor gone mad up here in the hills
of New Hampshire. I cringe anytime a story like these surfaces to the
headlines. These stories help perpetuate the myth of New Hampshire as a kind
of delirious backwater, dominated by white hillbillies, a racist culture,
and world capital of the coarse personality. For those who haven't heard,
Dr. Terry Bennett of Rochester, having been accused of cruelty to patients,
had all charges against him dismissed by the Board of Medicine. Earlier, the
Superior Court had blocked disciplinary proceedings against the doctor and
the Board of Medicine decided not to appeal.
What you may not know, the doctor was not charged with any kind of
malpractice. He had been reported as having told a terminally ill patient
that he would be "relieved" if she committed suicide. That's a tough act to
follow, but this doctor had more comebacks than Don Rickles. In another
case, he had told an obese patient that if she didn't lose weight, only
"black men" would be interested in her. The difference is, Don Rickles might
get away with that line at a Chris Rock roast, a doctor and patient? It is
hard to imagine what compels someone in that line of work to such harsh and
racist comments. You may be surprised that I am glad he faced no action
because he's guilty of nothing more than being a complete loon. I would
suspect business will get a little scarce, save for those days when Mel
Gibson may be passing through and needs a check-up. Still, what irritates me
the most is the damage people like this do to the people around them. In
this case, his community and in a larger sense, the whole State. Also, his
behavior is surprising as it is my understanding he has done fine volunteer
work overseas, in war-torn and poverty-stricken areas. This is another
reason that the "black men" comment seemed more a poor attempt at being
funny than outwardly racist, but still...it just leaves your mouth hanging
open.
Not wanting to start too soon repairing his reputation, on Thursday while
before the Board of Medicine, he said of them that they "had ungraciously
withdrawn after they realized they are cripples. This is bad government at
its worst." O.K., let's have a big hand for Terry Bennett, that's Terry
Bennett folks, and don't forget to tip your waitresses. You know, Dennis
Miller couldn't write this stuff.
All of this left me wondering...am I missing something? Mel Gibson's much
publicized career-suicide, a little too lubricated and whoa...out comes the
way you really feel. This doctor in New Hampshire has the uncanny ability to
speak as though hammered even while completely lucid. Maybe, if you can't
beat 'em, join 'em. Let's all start with the hammer-talk. Telling it like it
really is, all caution for others feelings cast to the wind. How liberating!
How refreshing! I'm beginning to like the sounds of this. I may schedule an
appointment with Dr. Bennett next week. I'll be looking forward to it,
expecting to be handed a tongue depressor and a loaded hand gun while I
endure the standard long wait in my "johnny". Upon returning to my clothes,
I'll expect to find my sneaker laces tied into a noose. I can't wait for our
playful back-and-forth banter, him taking cheap shots at my Italian
ancestry, me telling my "insane doctor" jokes... perhaps after the
examination, he'll invite me to his home and show me his Nazi war
memorabilia.
So get into the spirit everyone. Plan to smoke a cigar the next time you're
waiting for your doctor, a snifter of Jack Daniels in the other hand. Don't
be afraid to comment oh his receding hair line or the pathetic level of
service he provides. You may want to tell him that if all his patients have
to wait so long, pretty soon he may have only black patients. After all,
there's no law against being a pompous, hateful, despicable, verbose
idiot...so we all should do it, right?