LIGHTNING STRIKES TWICE
Offering yet another sign that the end is near, a Hamlin, Pennsylvania man has single-handedly dismissed as fluff, that time-worn saying that we all grew up with: Lightning Never Strikes Twice. I can't count the times this was offered to me in various forms, throughout my childhood, most often as a comforting reply to some unique disaster. If I fell out of a tree and vowed to never climb trees again, I was told "lightning never strikes twice", as though it would be impossible for this to happen again. The underlying message: get back in the tree. It may be the most abused and over-used adage of all times, covering everything from rare diseases to bee-stings. Over time, I placed great confidence in this concept, at times even seeming to invite disaster simply to able to prove that it couldn't happen again.
Don Frick, aptly named for the occasion, of Hamlin, Pennsylvania, blew all the odds right out of the water last Friday afternoon and effectively laid to waste a lifetime's worth of research on my part. It wasn't enough for him to be struck twice by lightning, he even had the audacity to have the events occur 27 years, to the day, apart. Yes, 27 years ago, to the day, Don was struck while driving a tractor-trailer. Lightning struck the antennae of his truck, traveled through the cab, and inflicted a partial paralysis to his left side which lasted for three or four weeks. He returned to normal, normal being a relative term in Don's case, and returned to work. So he beat the odds Friday when he was struck, yet again, during an "Ole Tyme Days Festival" in Hamlin. A storm brewed up quickly and Don and six others sought refuge in a nearby shed. Lightning struck the ground nearby and sent a horrific shock through Don and four others in the shed. "It put me up against the wall", said Frick, 68. "When I came to, I realized I was alive ( a natural conclusion), and the first thing that came to my mind was that I was pretty lucky."
Well, the "pretty lucky" part is a matter of opinion, but the story doesn't end there, and in fact, it gets a little suspiscous. "It burned my zipper off, burned my pockets, and burned a hole in the back of my jeans." For many of you, that may remind you of your ex-wife. Now I'm not the conspiracy-theory type, but the damage from this strike inspires the detective in me. I can tell you without hesitation that were I to come home with a burned zipper, burnt pockets and a hole in the ass of my pants, I better have a lot better story than "I got struck by lightning." In fact, I would most likely find myself wishing the strike had been fatal. The other possibilities are endless and include malfunctioning electrical devices being used on parts of the body for which they are not authorized. The hole, with singed edges, in the rear of the pants, sounds like something that may be in style in Provincetown, and the proximity of the hole, that is, the alignment, with a bodily orrifice raises eyebrows, at least. Depending on your social life it may raise other things as well. I can't put my finger on it, but I smell a rat, indeed a slightly burnt rat, in this story.
In the end, however, Mr. Frick seemed like too swell of a guy for me to launch a full-blown(pun-intended) investigation. I decided to simply wish him well and to suggest that he keep a barometer in his pocket and to be weary of any wild swings in atmospheric pressure. For cyring out loud, Don, you've done enough damage for one guy. Tens of thousands of us who have given ourselves a false sense of security, now realize that not only can lightning strike twice, it seems as though it can follow you. In addition, I am now paranoid about my Levis with all their metal buttons, studs and...I can hardly say it, zipper. For years I have been blissfully unaware that the handy "door" in my pants has been doubling as a lighting rod. I'm sorry, did I say "lightning rod?" You know Don, for a guy I've never met, you sure gave me a jolt.
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