Karl From New Hampshire Blog

As with so many events in life, it sometimes takes years for the ripple effect to finally wash a little sand between our toes.  Such is the case with the events of September 11th, 2001.  I remember thinking that day, among many other things, that this tragic event would change the country forever, change air travel forever, and cost us a fortune.  The latest “upgrade” in security at our major airports is yet another reminder of how many ripples have yet to reach the shore of reality.

Last year, when they first began introducing the full-body scanner at airports, the airwaves were packed with commentary.  Another notch in the belt of diminished freedom.  In the wake of the “Shoe Bomber”, the “Underwear Bomber” and rumors of the “Enlarged Breast Bomber”, it was inevitable that security would get beefed up even further.  On the occasions when I have to fly commercially, I am always pulled aside, probably because of my Sicilian complexion.  It irritates me, but my ire is always directed, quietly, back at the original terrorists who caused all of this.  I understand the angst of the airlines.  I understand the implications of it happening again…how horrific it would be, and the finger-pointing that would ensue.

What I don’t understand is the approach to security.  It can come as no surprise to Homeland Security that lots of folks are going to have a major problem with being groped and essentially photographed naked as a price to pay for flying.  It has become bad enough without the security measures, given the airlines scaling back on every comfort.  I expect to find wooden crates instead of seats and carpeting ripped out to save on fuel almost any day now.  What used to be an adventure to be savored has become more akin to travelling by covered wagon, and comparatively enjoyable.  Add watching my wife and children be groped and X-rayed to this equation and Fung-Wah Bus Lines looks better all the time, even with the occasional roll-over or roadside fire.

But this is the New America and even what I’ve described so far would not be arcane enough for our new politically-correct-selves.  We shun the pragmatic and effective approach that Israel uses…profiling…in exchange for a “Pin-the-Tail-On-The-Donkey” approach.  Every tenth passenger if the moon is full, or every seventh passenger if it’s raining out.  This, of course, leads to complete strangers in weird uniforms feeling-up Grandma and making 3 year-old girls cry as they head to Disney with Mom and Dad.  In short…it’s absurd.  We have a pretty solid description of the terrorists of 9/11.  I’d be looking for people like that, not Swedes and Australians.  “But Timothy McVeigh was a White guy!”  Yeah…I get it, but he was still an anomaly.  There is nothing to say that a Jewish Grandmother won’t blow up a plane, but it wasn’t Jewish Grandmothers murdering pilots and hijacking plans on 9/11.  If you lose your dog in New Hampshire you don’t begin the search in Colorado because “he might be there, too”, unless you’re an idiot or your name is Janet Napolitano.

The silliness, sadly, doesn’t end there.  While TSA officials are busy doing cavity searches on Aunt Mary, the plethora of cargo that rides directly underneath you on every commercial flight, remains largely unchecked, and has since 9/11.  Some folks may be surprised to know that, in addition to your luggage, airlines carry mail for the U.S. Postal Service, packages from any number of sources, and who knows what else.  How ridiculous is it to be strip-searching women and children at the very same time that countless boxes and bags are being loaded onto your airplane.  Does this make sense to anyone outside of Washington, D.C.?

We have enjoyed wide open Freedom in this country for decades at an enormous cost, and still listen to people complain daily that it is not “free” enough.  That freedom was taken advantage of, exploited, on 9/11, but to curl up into a permanent fetal position and shiver is not the way back. If that’s the plan, let’s park the airplanes now and get it over with.  If we want true security, let’s institute some common sense.  Our borders remain open with a virtual sign reading “Criminals Enter Here”, while at our airports average Americans are spread-eagle on the tarmac.  Brilliant.

I have no desire to learn about gravity by getting blown out of the sky in an airliner.  I want my family to be safe flying commercially, but let’s either check everything that goes on the plane, or at least use our resources intelligently.  Most people I know could simply watch people boarding a plane and single out the ones who look a little off.  This is what Israel does, they talk to people, ask a few questions…get a feel for the demeanor.  And it is effective and sensible and leaves hurt feelings about “profiling” out of the equation, as it should.

In the meantime, if I were you, I’d be more cognizant of the fact that airplanes, technological marvels that they are, are still contraptions.  Nuts, bolts, aluminum, carbon composites, wires and lots of plastic.  And they fly along 6 or 7 miles high at five or six hundred miles-per-hour.  The temperature outside is routinely 20 – 30 degrees below zero.  A decompression in the plane at that altitude would give you about ten seconds to get your oxygen mask on before you passed out.  That’s why the flight attendant tells parents to put theirs on first, otherwise you’ll be unable to help your children.  A decompression at altitude is also a great way to clean an airplane, because everything bigger than dust, and dust too, will be sucked out in a flash.

I know a mechanical  emergency is a lot more likely than a terrorist emergency and neither one is very likely at all. So, when I fly, I’m not watching for someone’s breasts to explode.  I’m watching the people who aren’t paying attention to the safety briefing because they’re “too cool for school”.   I remember them because I know they’ll be useless in the event of an emergency.  They’ll be screaming and asking where the exits are and how to open the emergency doors.  They’ll be complaining about the service during the flight, not understanding that the attendants are not really wait staff, they could do all that with vending machines, the attendants are there to manage the cabin during an emergency.

And the next emergency, in my opinion, will come not from a passenger with a bottle rocket in his pants, or a commercial pilot who wasn’t groped before getting on the plane (how ridiculous…the pilot is flying the plane, if he wants to take it down he doesn’t need an explosive), but instead will come from a tiny cardboard box in the cargo hold.  If only Janet had thought of that.